I still can’t believe God chose me to be Beckett’s mama.
To be completely transparent, I was never sure I was meant to be a mom. I loved my life, my time with Jordan, my career, and I didn’t want any of it to change. I started praying when I was 21 that if God wanted us to have kids, he would place the desire in our hearts when it was time.
Well, that ended up being a prayer I prayed for almost a decade!
I often felt like there was something wrong with me for not wanting kids right away. At times I even felt guilty about it. But I kept trusting that God would make our path clear in his timing, not ours. I don’t regret a single day of our life before kids. It was purposeful and rich and I share that for anyone who might be in that season now. It took a long time before I felt “ready,” and then even after falling in love with Becks while he was still in my belly, I was still anxious about how life would change. I remember crying about how I only had a few weeks left with just Jordan at the end of my third trimester.
But you know what? Ever since he’s been born, I haven’t wanted to go back to my “old life.” Not once.
I wanted to share that because I’m not sure anyone would guess that I ever was apprehensive about motherhood based on what you see on our blog (aka I’m like one big giant mom puddle over here nowadays) and there might be someone out there in the same boat. But coming from someone who never considered herself a “baby person,” this little baby boy has been one of the best things that ever happened to me, and I’m SO unbelievably thankful I get to be his mama.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you mamas out there!
To the ones whose babies don’t fit in their arms anymore.
To the ones who have babies in heaven and to the ones still waiting for their turn.
To the ones who go through more diapers and dry shampoo and cups of coffee (and tears!) than you ever could’ve imagined.
I read in my doctor’s office a plaque that said: “Motherhood, the scariest hood you’ll ever walk though.” I think it’s also the most beautiful 🙂
Thanks so much for this message, Amy. I’m in the same boat you were in before Beckett came along, and I appreciated this so much!
Aw! You’re so welcome! We’re so glad you enjoyed this post, Jill! 🙂