Laboring unmedicated was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I knew it was going to be painful, but nothing could’ve prepared me for just how excruciating unmedicated birth was going to be.
In my final days of pregnancy, a sweet friend of mine reminded me that when Jesus described what the pain of separation from God was like, He could’ve chosen anything in the world to compare it to, and He chose child birth. That I was going to get a realistic picture of the pain humans endure when they’re separated from the Creator, but also get to experience the joy that comes from being reunited with Him.
I’ve never felt such immense and unbearable agony in all my life, but the very moment he was in my hands, I’ve never felt such joy. The only way I can describe it is sheer euphoria.
My labor playlist had long since run out (as we were in hour 22) but our birth team told us that right as Beckett was born, the verse from Amazing Grace, “I once was was lost, but now am found,” was playing in the background — completely unplanned. As we pulled him onto my chest, all the anguish vanished. It was immediate. The joy was so overwhelming. My heart felt like it was going to burst. And I felt like I got to experience the unconditional love God has for us in an entirely new way. That realization has been a powerful one I’ve been reminded of again and again this first year as a mom.
Every night, as I put Beckett to bed, I sing “Amazing Grace,” to him, the song he was born to.
I realize tonight will be the last time I get to do that in his first year.
Tomorrow we’ll have a one year old.
It went by in a flash, but I can honestly say it’s been the greatest year of my entire life.
This week especially has been one of tears and reflection and gratitude.
Thank you Lord for this precious gift. For your Amazing Grace. And for your unconditional love that knows no bounds.
Jordan shared his most memorable moments of the first few months of Beckett’s life here.
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